Well it's a new year with a bunch of new struggles. I'm still currently out of school until (hopefully only) March. I actually took a break from school due to poor health and wanting to get it back together, but I'm struggling hard right now. I've been off of my medicine for half a year now because they stopped being effective and more and more side affects were popping up instead. So my body's been adjusting to the lack of it. Not very well it seems, but it's still better than having those side affects. Ugh. I'm tired of being controlled by medication that alters my mind. Withdrawal sucks ass though.
I've also been dealing with some social problems again. Losing friends and also losing the ability to trust one again and the possibility that I might lose another person I cherish a lot... I've let people too close again and it hurts. So I'm kind of running away from people right now. I know it's not healthy and I shouldn't be doing that, but I find that to be my reaction when I'm afraid of losing people. Defense mechanism I picked up along the way. I'm trying really hard not to, but it's so difficult.
And last week I found out I lost two pounds and that threw me over the edge. So I'm in very dangerous territory with my weight again. (I don't want to say what I'm at because it scares the hell out of me.) I've been having meltdowns a lot over the past week (at least one a day) and have to deal with having at least three minor panic attacks a day. My parents have been trying to help and one of my friends as well, but it's really hard to keep up. It's hard to even just talk both verbally or typing but I'm forcing myself to.
So I'm closing commissions until I get this stuff settled. It's kind of hard to draw when you're shaking off and on after all. I'll still get my current projects done though.
Listening to: Undertale 'His Theme' & 'Hopes and Dreams' Remix